if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
