you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
