Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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