tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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