I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
