I want to have your abortion
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
