and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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