I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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