My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
