I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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