I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
