She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
