Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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