Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
