I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
