I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
