This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i've created a new STD.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
