someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
