I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
