the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
