the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize