We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
