Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
