I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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