You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
