My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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