I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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