There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
