Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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