Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
