it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
