We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
