OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
