Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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