sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
