i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
