no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
