Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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