Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
