battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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