I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
