Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
