i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize