Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
