i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
