So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
be right there i have to get my cape
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
