I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
