I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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