well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
