Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
