Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
