Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
