im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
