Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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