Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
