do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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