Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
