and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.