I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
