no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
