i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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