Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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