we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
