Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
