I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does it feel to date your dad?
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