I'm really into asian looking animals
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
