I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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