God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
